Metaskills: A Tale of Two Coaching Sessions
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…
So, there I was, with a team in their weekly coaching session when everything went wrong (that’s how it seemed to me, at least). I was not in sync with my coaching partner - even accidentally muting him at one point during the session. I felt awkward and unsure - stumbling through questions like I was walking in the dark without a light. The activities I led the team through weren’t clear to them and the team wasn’t connecting with me as deeply as in our other sessions. What happened?
First off, let’s normalize that we all have coaching sessions, even days, like this. Where nothing we try seems to land with our clients. There’s a lot to be said for how one prepares for a coaching session including using techniques such as breathing, journaling, meditating, reviewing notes and session plans and preparing coaching activities. One of the practices I have found most helpful, especially when pair coaching, is that of choosing a metaskill to show up with before going into a session.
“A metaskill is the capacity to hold something or do something at a higher level...a conscious stance, attitude or ‘come from place’...”
In their book, Creating Intelligent Teams, Anne Rød and Marita Fridjhon describe metaskills as “...the capacity to hold something or do something at a higher level...a conscious stance, attitude or ‘come from place’...” I like to use the word, “intention” when describing metaskills. It’s an intention that I bring to the coaching session, an attitude that I intentionally allow to permeate the atmosphere in that space through me. Before jumping into a coaching session, I ask myself and my partner, “what attitude or intention are you bringing into this session today that you feel will best serve our client?” Together we share one specific attitude that we each intend to bring to the session (our metaskill), in service of our client. Both coaches then approach the session with their chosen metaskill at the forefront of how they show up. For example, by choosing a metaskill of focus, I do my best to maintain my focus and invite the team to do the same, either explicitly or through my presence and actions.
How is this helpful? Let me tell you another story...One week later, I found myself working with the same team and the same coaching partner as in the story I opened this blog with, and it couldn’t have gone better! I was calm, relaxed, easygoing and was able to really lean into what was happening (and trying to happen) in the team. I had a coaching plan ready, but wasn’t rigid about following it; allowing the team to chart their own course through the session with me and my coaching partner as their guide. I didn’t panic when things didn’t go as planned and simply helped the team mine for the wisdom in what was happening.
So, what’s the difference between these tales? I must have prepared more material and coaching activities for the second one, right? No. Perhaps I slept better the night before the second story? That’s not it. The team was more attentive and receptive to the coaching? Wrong again. The only difference between coaching tale #1 and coaching tale #2 is that my coaching partner and I brought metaskills to the second coaching session and had failed to do so for the first.
The first week I was uptight, fearful of failure, not able to accept deviations from the coaching plan and kind of hanging on the edge of a cliff in the coaching session. In the second coaching session, I was light, easygoing, rolling with the punches. My coaching partner brought the metaskill of fun to the second coaching session and I brought the metaskill of flow. Crazy, right? I don’t think so. Can you see now how those intentions shaped our attitude towards what happened in the coaching session and even the relationship between the two coaches? The Simultaneity Principle from Appreciative Inquiry states that, “Change happens the moment a question is asked or a statement is made.” By simply sharing the attitude we intended to bring to the session, we had shifted our own mental state and influenced the emotional field in the team.
“Change happens the moment a question is asked or a statement is made.”
My Growing Edge
I sometimes receive feedback that I’m “intense” or “too serious” when I coach. The focus I place on the client and the process takes away a bit of the humanity in my presence, causing me to show up with intensity. The next growth area for me in my coaching relative to metaskills is to expand the range of metaskills that I’m willing to bring into the coaching.. I intend (see what I did there?) to bring metaskills such as playfulness, lightness, fun and flow into my coaching more often. What about you?
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